Late night journaling

I think I have finally become a blogger. 

I don't know what to say but I really want to share my heart with y'all tonight.

This craving feels a lot like journaling, just a little different because every one sees it!

So, here is a post where I'm unsure of where it will go 

but I was sitting up unable to sleep, wanting a friend to talk to. 

Thanks for always listening :) 

Reed and I just got back from welcoming his mom to the States. 

Seeing Reeds family is always such a sweet blessing.

But that quick car ride back to my parents house was such a sweet time between Reed and I. 

We aren't very traditional and because of our families close connection we are seeing a lot of each other before Saturday. I always thought that I wanted to "starve" myself of Reed before the wedding so that I would be so overwhelmed and excited to see him at the end of the isle 

that I wouldn't be able to stand it. 

Well, today just proved me wrong. 

That short car ride to see his mom was so sweet. 

It was the first time being in a long time that we have been able to

 just sit in the presence of one another. 

Sitting is one of my favorite things. I love soaking up the time and not 

having to really say or do anything. 

I think having Reed very present before the wedding is making 

me more and more ready to get to that alter.
I missed him and I saw him yesterday.

What a loser.

I can't believe it. 

Reed and I are about to be married. 

I am finally going to be his.

I used to say that to him all the time, that I wanted to be HIS. 

That I couldn't wait until everyone knew just by my name or by looking at my hand 

that I was his and only his.  

This is so exciting! It is almost so exciting that all I can do is sit and soak it up!!

You know, writing this all down has lead me to another thought. 

Reed and I have tried our hardest to keep this wedding and beginning of our marriage grounded in the Lord. Seeing how I've written about Reed and my excitement and desires

 has brought up a pretty deep subject. 

Why do I not crave the Lord the way I crave Reed? 

I try my hardest to keep God at the top of my everything. 

Yet I feel like I haven't ever prepared myself for Him the way I am preparing myself to become Reeds. 

I wish that we did. I've prepared for months to walk towards Reed. I've researched,

paid money, asked friends for help, and so much more. Those are all things that I should be doing on a constant basis to pursue and prepare myself for the Lord! 

I'm so excited about being Reeds officially. 

I want to show everyone my hand and let everyone know my name. 

Why do I not do the same with God?

I am His. 

I've been His. 

And even though I know Reed will love me well, God loves me perfectly. 

Why don't I celebrate and crave it the same that I've craved Reed?! 

This is deep, I'm not saying that what I am feeling for Reed is wrong. 

But I feel like I have an entire new perspective. 

I'm ready to be Reeds because the Lord has prepared him for me. 

And I know that Reed will lead our house hold in the way God has planned. 

By letting people know I am Reeds associates me with a man of God. 

I hope that through our marriage we are constantly letting people know that we are each others

but even more so that we are the Lords! 

I'm excited to be the helper that I was created to be. 

I'm not ready, but I'm ready to learn from, seek, and lean on the Lord

to make me a wife that serves my man and my God. 

The next time you hear from me

I will be officially Reeds!

Thank you for listening to my ramblings!!