Doesn't it feel good when things start to slow down? When you feel like you are starting to get your footing and that maybe just maybe you can relax soon? Well, Reed and I are getting there. We are in our new home - amazed at the way God provided us with this dream of a place to call our own.
We are breathing again.
As we get comfortable in our new home, new jobs, new church - NEW LIFE, God reminded us that we are not called to be comfortable.
Friday we received an email from our adoption agency stating that there were two little girls, 2 1/2 and 1, that needed to be matched immediately due to medical needs.
I about had a heart attack. I wanted to get sick, cry and jump up and down all at one time.
I couldn't believe that we got this email, I mean we aren't event done with all of the paperwork!
I called Reed in a panicked frenzy unable to make any rational decision at that point.
We discussed if we felt like we could event ask for more information. What if we asked to move forward to learn more about these precious babies and then got scared, if there needs were something we couldn't meet. Would we have the wisdom to know that and to make the right decision for us and them?? Of course Reed reminded me of what we said as we started this entire process over a year ago. We are pursing this adoption until God says to wait.
So we called.
I cried in my office as I tried to figure out what todo. All I could think about was if I was about to become a mom. Was I ready for this? Would I be able to handle this? We just moved in - would our home be ready for this little one? My heart was racing and I was totally not functioning at full speed for remainder of the work day (sorry boss man!). So we prayed, prayed, prayed and prayed.
We received the medical records of both little girls. My heart sank but I could breath. These precious little ones had already had a hard life with many issues that would take many many many visits to specialists. I knew immediately that neither of these girls where our little nugget.
My heart hurt. I wanted it to be our baby. I wanted to see them and the records and know that we were nearing the finish line. But instead God showed us clearly that these babies needed a different family. I was scared that I wouldn't know what to do- that I wouldn't know how to say no to a baby that needs a home. And as I write this I still feel like that sounds so heartless- our home is better than an orphanage right? Yes, but if we had continued to move forward with these girls it would have been for selfish reasons. We would have done it because WE wanted a baby, because WE wanted the process to be over, because WE wanted to celebrate with all of you.
Those are not the reasons to adopt a baby.
So God once again showed us that He is in control. That we are not to get comfortable and feel like we know whats happening. We need to lean on Him. Look to Him in every situation. He is going to build our family when it is time. He IS building our family! These girls may not have been ours, but we are trusting and believing that our little Nugget is out there waiting on us.
So thats the day I almost became a mom.
That God gave us wisdom beyond what we could have done on our own.
That God reminded us that this thing we call life is all in his hands.
So we didn't get matched with our Nugget. But we saw a real baby at the end of all this paperwork - God gave us a glimpse of the day that we will become parents. I'm thankful for Him and His wisdom, and how He works to forever show us His mighty loving hand.
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